If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
