so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
