I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
