So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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