apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
