shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
