READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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