Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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