So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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