listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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