Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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