You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
