My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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