You're completely useless in the revolution.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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