So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
