i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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