Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
