Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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