I wanna passion pit in your ass
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
