And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
