dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
