and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
