beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
