I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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