Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
