jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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