u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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