Acid is not a monday night drug
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
