WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
