Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
