Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
