So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
