Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
