Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
