So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
