did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
