Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
