if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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