I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
