You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
