Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
