"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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