Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
