Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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