broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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