i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
