thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
