When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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