the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
