It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
