Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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