Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
