Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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