He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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